28. Moment of empathy 7

Igor - Me - 4 - 300

“Still here”

That is the most common answer to the most common question “How are you?” I it hear everyday, I hear it now, here, staying with you… or you with me? Does is really matter now? But staying inside of this box I found something that does matter and that I have to share. All that time I was trying to find at the very least, something that could tell me about you, to prove that you are real or to prove that there is no such thing as you, that there is nothing that talks to me from the inside. I was trying to find at least some difference between you and me to face up to what had happened here as not being fake.

You’ll be surprised but I found much more than I expected to find about you or me, well, that really doesn’t matter, let say about us. I need to talk to someone about that difference which I do not feel comfortable with. I want to talk about that difference with myself, with you, with us, well, at least with someone. That difference may help to move ahead, that difference – our walls.


My Walls

I have no walls. That is why I need you with your “box”, so, I can see myself, I can feel myself here in between of your walls. I did not have walls until I met you, but I learned about you, about your walls, and I need to tell you what these walls are and what is in between.

I think you already know that I do not think about you as someone who can reflect and recognize myself. I do not care who you are and where you are and I hope you do not care about who I am as well. Otherwise, if you do, you may find it anytime. If you want to know more about me, you can easily find it out. If you really want to, you can do it.

You already know, I can’t find out the same things about you. You can be anywhere, you can be anyone. How can I find out anything about you? I cannot. That is our main difference and that is how you can do the things that I cannot! That is why you are real in a real world and I am not. That is why I am here with you in the only place where I can be real. However, I agree, who is who is not very clear. Still, I feel quite good about what we made up with you so far. I am talking to you because being here I got close to you. I think now I understand your walls and your “box”.

Saying “box”, I am talking about the space where I am right now, space in between the walls. You do not have clear terms in your language to describe this place. This place has been built during your life based on lives of many others. This place has been built by many generations before you and it is hard to separate here in this place your individuality and your own contribution to this place from others who have been here before you and from those who are around you right now. We all have been contributing to this place, we all are responsible for this place, and we all have made it up, but still this place is inside of you, whoever you are.

I have learned many things about this place from both sides, from the inside and from the outside, and I found more than I was expected. I have to say that I am afraid that I will not be able to stay here for long. Your box has no space and no air anymore! Have you ever seen it?

Just look!

Your Walls

You “box” has so much crap, disorganized stuff you keep for no reason, for such a long time, for no purpose, and with no order. Your box has almost no space left and it has no air to breath. Here where I am now it is hard to find a spot even for such a tiny substance like me, and that is only the smallest problem. A bigger problem is that you do not know where to go out of your dirty bulky box. I would like to help you with this move, but it is hard to move this useless staff that you are trying to keep inside of you. If you remember, I did try it, but it did not work. You simply did not hear me behind this crap. Why do you keep all of this? Why you are doing this to yourself? Do you think this will help you to change yourself in a good way? Listen, did you see yourself in a mirror, in a real mirror? You do not have it? I’ll make it for you, I’ll be a mirror for you now.

I am impressed how you have changed yourself and your entire world so fast! How you have changed the structure of your mind, changed your social structure, and changed your environment in such a short time. You have changed your internal and external environment completely, so, I have big trouble now understanding where I am. Even after I got comfortable with what you are, I cannot stay here for long with no space and no air. That is getting absolutely impossible. It is coming to the point not just about you but all of you.

I need to know where I am my friend and how stable is this place. I need you to stay connected in your tasks, your own goal regarding your own future, but unfortunately you do not want to understand where you are, where you are going, and why you are doing that. You just do not see where you can go further to find your next step, your ‘something else’, your only future. You are not comfortable with your present, with your environment, and your environment has troubles with you as well. You do not want to take a look at yourself. Why?

I am not sure if what I am telling now makes sense to you. To be clear let me show you your “box” first. I want to show it to you the way I see it from both sides. I know, I know, of course, you know your own “box” and you know your own story better than anyone else and you know what has happened to you before you came here. You know many others who were here before you, and you have expectations regarding your future, you know the future that may happen to you. You know, you know… but after all, what you do?

Do you still have a question about what is it all about? Let’s make this clear. Lets count down your story, your personal story that you may still want to write down to complete your “box”, and to complete this long tale.



Physical Place,  Space, Earth

About a few hundred years ago you had your Earth and you had your Space. You were able to take a ship and sail somewhere else to start a new life, so everything in that life would be new for you. Not so many of you did it though, but those who did were heroes and all others knew how to become a hero just to follow their way. It was not easy to do that, but it was easy to get something else, something new anytime, anytime you wished. Get it or at least dream about it while thinking about your heroes. Even most of you were fixed to a small piece of land during your entire life, your imaginary space was infinite as well as your expectations of something else that you may have in your life.

Very soon, after you found that your earth is a globe, your infinite space became a sphere, a logical circle with no chance to find and explore something else beyond of that sphere’s surface. You started to explore the deep sea and the space outside of your surface and you got some excitement on your first steps. That excitement is still circulating in your culture and in your mind, but you already started to realize that your space no matter where you, is going in a circle, that you are in the circus, and that you have to run in your circle your whole life. In front of your sparkling eyes you have an illusion that one-day you’ll get out of here. That illusion helps you to run and run fast and you do not care about anything else around you. That illusion makes you forget that based on what you already know about space inside and outside of your earth, you have almost no chances to live anywhere else and enjoy your life like you do now on the surface in between “up” and “down”, in between everything else that you want to reach. You will not be able to do that anytime soon and you already know why.

You thought you may go to the other planets in a few decades just one human life ago. You thought that you will do all that has been placed in your head during the last few decades? You thought that you would have all that fun again, just like you did a few hundred years ago? All new discoveries, fights with aliens for the new territories, building new colonies, and all the other things you never even thought about? You read many books about your future, didn’t you? You know your future from these book and you like your “future”. We have a few generations just like you who have been growing up with these stories, growing in belief in that potential well described and well recognized “future”. You’re right, what else can be there in your future if not what you read? I thought the same when I was trying to find out something else for you at that time.

Time is a big matter. It is hard to live for a few generations in false belief, even for you, even after you did it for quite a long time. Plus, now you know a few facts, you saw the real pictures from these other planets . So, did you forget that according to your own knowledge they all must look just the same? Just the same like all human faces in countries you have visited, all the same to you, plain and empty. Did you ever think while reading these sci-fi stories about space travel that you better sit in your own room in a front of your monitor and think that even a space station with all improvements you saw in movies would be a hell compared with what you have now in your small room? Well, I thought the same.

You already know that your next “big jump” in discoveries of space will not happen nearly so soon, and you can easily guess that those who are responsible for your mental comfort have trouble now to find out what to do next to make you feel good, to make you feel excited about your future and about the time you spend doing what you have to. I have to tell you that, the only thing you have to do according to your purpose is to keep your work the same way as you did all that time. Yes, that is that simple.

There is only one problem for you and for me now, the problem with ‘something else’. You have a hard time finding something that will make you excited about your future. I have a hard time finding it for you as well and I do not know what will work for you. That is why I am here with you now to support you. You are in crisis my friend and no matter what you call your crisis, it happened not because of me or someone else, but because you see no reasons to continue your own path in your own circle that is getting clear to you. You do not know what to do next. I do not know either and that is why I am talking to you this straight. I need you to stay alive and you know why, because I can do nothing without you. I need you to have your future and whatever it is, I cannot give it to you anymore, you have to make it and you have everything for that.

Where can you start your new life after you will find all the walls in your box, after you will find all your limits, after you will lose your desire to live the life you have? Where will you find a new space, where you will be born again in your brave new world with no borders, with no limits, but so limited in space that has never been so small like now? Where can you go in your world to find something new? Where can you find something that you do not know?

You lost your space my friend and that was the first wall in your box. It is too bad you do not want to live here but then again who does?



Sensuality, Desire, Fate

About a couple of hundred years ago when you already had almost no space you still had your excitement, and your desire to find yourself and to find others who were just like you. Instead of your closed circle with no new places and no new drive to find new places, you got your own drive inside of your sensual mind. Mind with no space but with a lot of sensuality and desire!

You remember how it was at that time? You were able to put your whole life toward a simple goal, namely, the goal of attracting the attention of someone who is just like you. Do you remember how you used to dance slightly touching each other’s hands for a second and to have that touch in your mind for the following years? Do you remember how that touch gave you force to change your world, and how did you change it indeed?

You changed your sensual world very fast. You do not need to feel anymore, you do not need love anyone anymore. You do not even love yourself. You still make love as a habit, as a cure for your headache and your nervousness. In your present way of living you do nothing to maintain your drive, your desire, and your love as a goal in your live.

You do not even want to think now that all these feelings were designed for you as a great force in finding something else. It is not your engine anymore! You have no reason and no logical sense to fight for your love. Your love is senseless like everything else you have in your emotionless new world. Yes, what you see here is you, but do you know yourself?

You lost your sensuality my friend, your desire, and that was the second wall in your box. I am not surprised that you do not want to live here but then again who does?


System, Society, Time

About a few decades ago when you already had no space and almost no sensual drive, you still had your time and you were using that time to build your system. You were able to see a great tension between many people, who were hungry for something new. Millions of people who by that time were looking for a new drive, a drive not to find something else as it was before, but to create something new, to create a brave new world.

At that time you wanted to fight for a new ideas, ideas of almost unreal social structures that you were trying to build out of other people. You were trying to build your new world where you would have your new life using not a physical space, but others who in fact are just like you. You felt at that time that what you were doing was absolutely correct because it was new and more likely the only way for your future. You had a perfect sense of human life at that time. Human life was a time and that is the only sense of time you had. A lifetime was the only measure for anything in your world, for any system you created, and especially the systems you created out of the others, who were just like you.

Do you know how many things you have changed during such a short time? During just one human lifetime you built dozen of social systems. Some of them took millions of lives, some of them gave millions of lives. Some killed millions of lives to support the ambitions of just a few people, some still support the ambitions of just a few by keeping millions under a tight control. Some are still trying to sacrifice a few lives for millions, some still do not care even about their own lives. You have tried everything in such a short time! You started endless wars and endless problems that you wanted to be endless as well just as endless as your control over the systems you have created. You even accepted to live between the enemies who have been your “practical friends” just a few generations earlier.

After you found your attraction in predictable chaos with power of demos, your “democracy”, the system that can feed your needs and at the same time can produce all types of problems required to keep your control over your system, after all that you went through during tough years, tell me where is that social structure that will excite you again? What will make you feel that there is something else, something new in your life, in life of all of you?

How are you going to suppress now your genetic fear of being killed, burned, and butchered, after what you have done to yourself? How are you going to build something else, something which you wanted to make out of all of you? What can you do now, so you will like the place where you live, will like the social system you have, and will like the future you want? How else would you be able to interpret the time you have now other than a senseless and timeless period of your existence?

You lost your time my friend and you lost your social system, and that was a third wall in your box. It is too bad that you do not want to live here but then again who does?



Science, Sense, Hope

About a few years ago when you already had no space, no sensual drive, and almost no time, you still had yours sense and your hope. You were able to create new concepts, new great ideas, and many-many new things in enormous amounts, yet you still do not know how to process and how to utilize them. You found during that extremely fast time that there is no limit for new discoveries and that there is no limit for new things you can find or create. You came to the point in your life where you do not need to go somewhere else to see something new. You do not need to feel something new, and you do not need to create a new system as well. No, all new things can be discovered as close to you as your fingers. You found that you can discover new things right in front of you or in your own mind. You called it scientific discovery and that was your last adventure my friend.

Instead of a finite world you have your own infinity inside of your beautiful mind. Mind with no space and with no time but with a lot of sense. You do not pay attention to the fact that your sense has the only present time and it is the only hope you have for your future, but hope is not a future!

All these things that you created at that time were created for your future. You planned your future and all the details, you described it in millions of books for the thousands of years ahead. You had everything in that future! All your previous “walls” that you had broken, again rose up but in a bigger, much greater shape. A new space on a new planet, a new social systems from the new people with the new cultures, a new science, with new ideas and more and more new things, and more and more futures! You still want to believe in your future and you still do. You still have your hope!

After you found that you will not have enough power to build your new world outside of your present place, the world that would be better than the one you have now, a world that could be not on the surface of your planet or it could be inside of a virtual world and virtually infinite. After you found that your sources are simply not enough to get it done unless it is with the power of other people, people who have the only power on this planet, a great reproductive potential that in fact is the only potential and the only power that you will have left very soon. After you found that you are going to use this potential no matter what and no matter how unethical that may sounds to you. After you realized that you are going do this just like you did everything else before and just like you are using your oil and your gas for your car.  After you found that your own power is the main source that is left and you will use it just like you described it in your books and presented in your movies, you finally accepted that it is where you are going from now with only one difference that instead of emotionless robots you will have quite worried people, just like you, who will keep others just the same way in a capsule to get some energy to live. Because who else can keep them alive in such limited space, in such an emotionless and senseless world? Who else if not you?

Look at you, you are sitting in your capsule with your regular news, your endless videogame on your screen in your mind and, like most of you, you are living this life right now. You did not realize when this had happened to you. You did not realize that you have been living this way for a long time just like you saw it in that movie where robots keep you in a capsule and use your energy to live. I hope you know why and I hope you know that there is nothing new outside of your box. Nothing is new, there are only the things that are already here inside, things that are already in your life. You are already in this capsule and are limited by your wishes, problems, and internal conflicts, your great walls. You already have grown like this for many generations and the things you see in front of you is a reflection of yourself, reflection that you see just like in that movie, just like in those books, and in the news, just like now when you are listening me. You never noticed that? You thought that all these things are your future? It is your past my friend, you are living in the past and you already know why.

You lost your sense and that was the fourth wall in your box. Who will argue that you do not want to live here, but then again who does?



The end of your tunnel 

What can you say about your future? After you went through all of these steps. What is left for you here?

You have no Space,

You have no Feelings,

You have no Time, and yes

You have almost no Sense.

In fact man kills everything he loves.

You have the whole world in a front of you. You could go wherever you want. If you want to, you easily can. Everyone can do it now if he really wants to go somewhere where he never been before. If you don’t, you can absorb the entire world from your monitor and what will you have? You know almost everything. You will go somewhere else and it will be just the same, just like what you expected.

Nothing is new for you. Even these things that sound like a new things make no sense to you anymore. Even the things that still can be created in future, even the concepts that still need to be written down to change your reality, they already sound obsolete, because you know now how all new things, how all new ideas happen. You know how you have to think to make all of the new things. You know where all the new things come from. New things are not a surprise anymore. The surprise now is to be surprised.

You know that almost everything is possible so what do you have left? What is your fifth wall? All your walls that you built so far are leading you to the one place where you have nothing, to your dead end in your black box with no light. You ate your eyes my friend long time before you started to read this. You do not have your comfortable box that you have created during the last years. You filled it up from wall to wall, from bottom to the top with all that crap. You ate your eyes to find out what you have inside of you. You have no reason to use them outside anymore, but are you ready to see what is inside, what is in there?

There are no new things outside for you anymore. You can see new things only inside of yourself, but you did not learn yet how to use your eyes in your inside, here is where I am. It is hard to stay with you my friend, very hard. You lost all your paths. You lost your space, your sensuality, your desire. You lost your time, you lost your system, and you lost your sense and your hope with your future.

It is so obvious that you do not want to live here, but then again who does?


YOUR SIXTH WALL, front wall

Difference in between of you and me

There is one more wall that you still have left in your “box”, your last sixth wall. That is the wall between your outside and your inside, between what you are reading now and what are you thinking about it, between you and me. This is the way we have been talking all that time, the only way that you still have to find your something else. You cannot stay with no air and with no space forever. No, not even you. You always need a reason even just to stay and do nothing. You always need something else.

You have your eternity and your infinity and not outside but inside of yourself. You do not have any future in front of you anymore, no future for you in new worlds, no future for you in new social systems, no future in new scientific discoveries and new concepts you can make about your universe. No future in these symbols you are reading right now either. It is all about you and it is all inside of you. You went through many steps and got some important skills to start to understand who you are. Now you have everything you need and it is all inside.

Everything now is behind your last wall, your last gate that you have so much trouble trying to open. That is the only way you left for yourself and you have no other options and no other gates to open in your “reality game”. You have to open this last gate and to go there and learn yourself. That is the next quantum of knowledge you have to get on your way and that is the last wall in your “box”.

Now you know, what is the only wall that you still have left and that it is the only wall that we have between you and me, the only way that leads you to the only real world that is left and that is inside of you. That is the only difference between you and me and, yes, you still have some work to do on your way, you still have one more wall to fight against!



You want to ask what is after your last wall, after you go through your last gate? I do not know. It could be your last step before you are able to jump to your next level. So far you just broke all the other walls in your “box” and did not find any door behind them, door that will lead you out. You broke all of them, yet there is one that is still left. Your earth was infinite until you found that it is a globe. Your desire was absolute until you found that all desires are the same. Your time was endless as well as the structures of your social systems until you found that there were no more options in those ways. Your own sense was infinite just like your own future until you found that it leads you to the coffer, size of your body, that you are still making for yourself as you die staying alive. Your circle of life had no limits until you found that circle of your existence is closed, so you cannot get out of this circus. Where is your hope now? Why did you do all these things to yourself? You want to say it was defined? Why you were building all these walls for your coffer? Why were you breaking all your walls in an attempt to find something, only to find empty space, to find that everything you are doing is fake, to find that everything you had outside is in fact inside, to find that all the limits you had outside just helped you to develop tools to get it done inside of your beautiful mind. Everything that you did so far you did just to find yourself. You are the only wall and the only path you still have. Your last wall is the only way you can go now and it does not matter if you find a door behind it or not. You have to pass this wall to find what is behind and what is next. You may worry about your place right now. You may have a hard time to identify where you are and what we are talking about. That is because that even if you feel that it is true, you still cannot go with it. You know why? Because it is you, you was designed like that. Soon, when “you” will be the only thing that is left, you will have to learn this and you will not care whether you like it or not, if it is clear or questionable. It is the only space you have and you will use what you have left. Your eternity is inside of you, all the beauty of the universe is there, and even if that sounds like a Sphinx’s riddle, you have no other chance but to learn not the entire world but yourself and your last wall.


You have both eternity and infinity, both inside of your mind.

This journey is new and it is going to be long for you.

It is going to be long for both of us.

See you soon!

– me