25. AGE


Look in the eyes of an old man

Let me ask how old are you?

Fair enough. How do you feel about it?

Then, how do you feel about this question?

Well, then let me try it one more time. What does your age means to you? Is this a number that represents how many years you have playing your role or it is a period, a phase that is different from another one that you had just before the one you have right now? If you feel that you are in a certain phase of your life, does it mean that you remember your previous phase, and because of that you know that “now” is different from “before”? If so, that difference is your time?

I just want to know that we understand time the same way, that we agree that there is no time other than a difference we can feel, but a difference can be different and that is how everything gets really interesting. The difference that we call time happens because before what you are feeling now there was something else and you know that it is different from what you are experiencing right now. That is the difference you are living with. That is your age, your phase, your stage in this life, but not a number! This period has no clear limits, it is just supposed to be different from something else that was before.

Let say, you do not remember what was before the period you have now and you feel no difference, no periods in your life. Then, you have nothing to compare with and you have no age. Do you remember that time? The time when you had no age? No age at that time for you had another meaning, you had no previous period to compare with and you were not able to feel time. You remember? It was a good time!

Then you experienced difference and you got your age and you got your time, and then you understood that difference is not the same all the time that difference also can change. You got that difference can be different and now you are here. You have quite a bit on your plate from your past and you want to have something else in your future.

You feel quite obscure about you age and your time don’t you? That is fine, everyone does! To all of us age means a certain program that we cannot control. No control – no safety, but practically age has nothing to do with time. The time that you know from the others, from physics in your middle school, for example. Age is something that you make up in your head and that gives you a difference between phases of your life.

You may think like many others that it is good to be young and strong but that goes with age. You may think that it is cool to be experienced and wise and that comes with age, but you will not argue that it is hard to mix these two opposite things in one and actually no one feels that it is possible. It is against our stereotypes and our experience, but still, we all want these two things, two different periods of our life to stay together.

If your age is just a difference that you can recognize, it works the same way as others differences. You must feel that there is a clear difference between your ability to recognize any other patterns and pattern of your own aging. The main thing about it is that the aging is the only pattern you can recognize inside of you. Everything else is outside. All other patterns that you can recognize they all come from the outside.

Most of people are really confused about pattern of aging, not just you and me. For a long time we try to cultivate a culture of the “Best age”. About hundred years ago it was cool to be mature and wise and people in their twenties were trying to look as old as they could, wearing a beard or mustache, and behaving like mature one. Now it is cool to be young and cute and people even in their sixties and seventies are trying to look like they are still teenagers.

We all confused about age, we do not know how to deal with the pattern of our internal difference. We still do not want to accept our aging as a pattern and we have a hard time to understand what to do with it. We just want to see age not as a pattern, but as a plateau, as a platform where we can stay still! We do not want to stay on a shifting platform. We want to stay safe!

The same thing happened when we had a hard time accepting other patterns. For example, the pattern of earth moving around the sun was a paradigm to accept. Moving, consistently shifting, and not as stable as we want it to be was not something that we would like to stay on. We suddenly found that it is not the most stable place that it used to be. It was not easy to accept that the place where we are staying is not a plateau but a consistently moving sphere, but that happened and now we are totally fine with what we have. Plus, that helped us to find something else, something that we would not be able to find while staying on “stable platform”.

I can give you a more recent example. Just a couple decades ago millions of people were being raised in places where everyone told them that those are the best places with the best social structure and the best people, the only places where people could be happy and safe on the earth. You remember that time? These kids have been told that they are lucky to be born in such a place. Now grew up and they found that there are many good places on this planet and even much better places compared to the place where they have been born. It was not easy to accept but they did, they all did. What else they can do? They have changed location many times since and finally they even found that there is no such thing as a best place on the earth, except the place that they can make by themselves in their mind.

This mind is shifting as well as this planet and we are still confused as to where we can build our best world. Now we are confused not about the place but about the time and about the best age to build our best world. Even if we know that answer, that there is no best time and there is no best place, we still confused. Our mind is consistently shifting, jumping, trembling, and trying to find support outside. We are looking for new excitement or new ideas but finally for support. None one can provide such support! If you feel that you got it from someone outside you will fall. Sooner or later you definitely will. This is your stage, consistently moving “stage” and only you know how to maintain your balance on that stage.

You may not know me yet but I have some ideas about who you are and I know that you are pretty much the same as me and that is why He is trying to use me as a mirror for your mind and use you as a mirror for my own reflection. I have been teaching people my whole life. That is my work, my hobby, and my entire existence, that is how I live. That is why He got me here to work with you, but you are playing this game with me as well. To be honest with you, I do not see your mind as a mirror. It could be a mirror for Him, but for everyone else, those whom I see around you, you a clown in a circus, and you are trying to pretend that you can be an acrobat balancing on the top of the pyramid you made out of you hate, a walking stick, and a broken chair. Everyone must be having fun looking at how your funny suit makes you feel awkward in your attempts to maintain impossible balance but at the end it is your strong desire that makes you better than anyone else in this circus. You are the best, you are the clown!

In our reality you have to know how to fake out the public, make them believe that you do not know how to keep your balance like an acrobat. Folks must be absolutely sure that you will fall, everyone must be sure that you have no chance to win, even your colleagues who saw your performance a hundred times, they must be sure that you will fall. Everyone must feel that you are lousy clown, except you! You only one who knows that you will always do it better than anyone else because it is a piece of cake for you, because it is the only way you can get the result you want. You are playing your game a few steps ahead but you are alone in your steps! There is only one way for you to do it and that is your internal platform that must be strong. You cannot get this thing from outside! Whatever you get from outside to support it – will kill it.

I want you to stay confident about your own internal pattern, about your age. We all know how this pattern works. We all know how it shifts and where it goes. We just do not have a clear description for this move that allows anyone to see it the same way. We are almost there and we will have it very soon, but for now we are just having fun about our pattern of age because most of the fun comes from confusion. In the same way that witches, aliens, secret societies, astrology, fate, dreams, subconsciousness, mind, and all similar things are fun and that fun comes from our confusion and uncertainty. Age is one of the biggest confusions we still have and the biggest uncertainty that we still depend on.

As a matter of fact, your shifting platform could be simpler! You may just feel the difference between the phases in your life. At least a difference between two phases and that difference tells you that it will be different again. Your future is going to be different from what you have right now. Even if you do not know how it works, you see it in other examples, you know that you will have something that you do not expect.

You need a proof, are you sure? Was it not you who got some surprises over the last few years? Something that you did not expect when you were planning your future ten years ago? Surprises that keep you uncertain about what else may happen in your life? Need more details?

Why do I know? We all have a similar story and I can tell you exactly what happened to you because I know that based on my own life and it is just the same as your story if we drop some little details. My story is exactly the same and that is why I am here, so I can share with you my mistakes. I guess you know, there are two main mistakes that we consistently make about our future. We think that we will have more money and more time in our great future. In fact these are very common mistakes for only one reason, because most of us are not making money and time. We just want them but we do not want to worry about them well enough to have them enough.

People are generally enjoying in making other people and some people also enjoy making tools and knowledge. Just like you and me. Only a few of us are making money and even fewer are making time. These people have enough money or time, just like we have kids, tools, and knowledge and, like us, they have no idea what to do with money or with time. But you are where you are and your past is your past. You may say that you spent a lot of time on things that do not make sense to you now and you would never do them again. Waste of time, but that is something that you can escape from. It was a path you had and it is you who decided to go that way! It is you who decided to stay here and that can be changed if you want.

It feels like quite a personal talk and I want to share with you my experience. I found a great interest in age. People I knew in my life they all helped me to understand my role in this world, but none of them knew their own role. They do not know where they fit regarding their place in life and their age. None of them ever felt their “box of life” from wall to wall and from top to bottom and none of them were able to care this whole box. I am not sure I can do it either but I think that is possible.

You can think about living each moment like it is the last moment of your life or you can plan your life-line step by step from wall to wall, but your life is not a line, and not a surface either, it is a space and you can fill this box with cool staff. We are not going from wall to wall, from birth to death in that box. We have many ways to move across this space but overall we just have this whole box at each moment of our life. This whole box is right here.

On one side we all know how everything is evolving and where it goes from wall to wall. We know how we are growing up, how we get knowledge, connections with other minds. Health and optimal development of your mind can bring you to success and give the result you are looking for. It can help other minds around you to get the same. That is true but the pattern of aging means something else. If you know that pattern, you will not be in trap all the time or practically every 3-5 years of your life.

Things that we will have in future can be easily guessed, but we do not know what exactly we have to guess. Things that surprise us, these things that we afraid of, they are also planned. We do not believe that we know them until they come in our life, and we spend our time going through these things. Everyone needs time for that. That time and these troubles is our life. Is there anything else in your life? Well, then we have to learn more about it.

Even if you are not like the others you still have to step into the chain of interconnected events and into a chain of all these people around. Living that way you always lose to them and lose to yourself. Logic must be a big part of your life but rarely the only platform you can rely on. Logic is important when you are at your 10-20s, when you have to collect knowledge and experience. Then, soon after that, logic does not make as much sense to you although it can be very useful. After a certain amount of time in your life whatever you make becomes logic, becomes your platform. You may still be attached to the platform that you have learned in your earlier years, but now you have to collect things around and put them in your box. You can, however, now use these things that you collect for your own needs, things that none one can give you. You have to create it on your own.

If you do not have your own logic you will feel you are at a dead end – where you do not know where to go, how to go, or why to go. In fact you are just staying on the edge of a new and interesting life! Look in the eyes of an old man who went through his life and you will see that the life you have in front of you is exciting, unbearable, and unbelievable!

He was able to move across his stage although not without some troubles. Can you see these troubles on his face? If you look deeper into his life you will find exactly what you see on his face here. Try you put yourself on a grid his of life. Just point your finger where you are now in your life! Now look what was before the place where you are now. What do you see? The same things, are they not in you life just like they are in his life? Now look what may happen in your future.

Did you get my point?

And BTW, he is not an investigator anymore. He is a subject! As well as you and me. Investigator have to be somewhere between all of us.