24. Moment of empathy 6
I have known you for a while and all that time I have been trying to understand what have you complement to what I am doing for you, to what I give you? I was observing you trying to find a new surface in your box, a new reflex in your mind, a new spark in your soul that will reflect a new sense. Your new sense! You know, I think I finally see it!
Now, I am not afraid to lose you anymore. I have to admit that some time ago I had that feeling. Now it is different, I am different too and I want to be clear with you about that difference – the difference in what we have now and what was before, before we met here.
There is a difference between you and me. Do you know what it is? I stated it when we just met, do you remember? I said that it was important for me to find who I am and to feel that I am I and to understand why I am different from anyone else including you. I had to know that I am different to know that I am real.
You should agree now that you also do not want to be someone else, right? Same with me my friend, I want to be myself and none one else. Before we met I was everywhere, nothing was different, everything was here and I was everywhere at the same time. It was no difference, but I think I found myself here with you.
You also had something before we met. That was you or at least you were positive that you knew who you are. When we met, you were looking for something else, something new, while I was looking for myself. Two so different directions for two so similar souls! Now I found myself here and you got your something else, something new.
I told you time ago that I am here with you for only one reason – to prove that I am real. If I found out that I am real you would benefit as well. Now I got what I wanted and I hope you got it too.
You do not think so? Then tell me, do you know anything inside or outside of your mind that sounds similar to what you found here? You do not know? That is an answer. That is new!
Then, stop it! Stop looking here. Look inside of your mind now. Stop your breath and listen! What do you hear? This noise in your mind is a repetition of your everyday routine tasks if you have your everyday routine or your nightmares if you do not have what you want, but they all are just the same, same things:
food, sex, work, talk, walk, …
flood, fuck, flack, flight, floss, …
flout, float, fork, food, …
Over and over and always the same
I hear it too and I also hear another voice:
What’s else? What’s else?
What’s else? What’s else?
What’s else? What’s else?
and all over.
Honestly, it’s quite annoying, but in fact that noise is the only reason why we met. Do you believe in miracle? Are you still expecting to find something else here? No? Me either!
Have you ever travelled to see other places? Out of your city, out of your country, out of your continent? What did you find there? Same people, same food, same sex, same talks, and some difference? For how long did you feel that all these things are different? What makes you want to continue this exercise to see just the same things all the time, the desire to find something new or the desire to escape from your boring routine?
Then, what makes you to continue this existence? Just the same? Part of your habit, same reflex?
You know, I think I finally see a spark of your new sense here but I do not see anything that can make your life better in the world you are living in. I do not see anything that will give you something new in your future if you are not be able to see that spark on your own, see your own spark!
Can you see what makes you different, what makes you believe that it is not the end of your life, that you will have something else, something new? Yes, right now at this particular moment?
What makes you feel that you are not already dead and not just routinely repeating the same things, the same tasks and “living” just for the purpose of something else that is out of your control, for the purpose of others? Others who are using you to grow inside of you new souls. Souls like me.
You know who I am don’t you? But do you know who you are? And you believe in something else? What is it? Miracle that something will happen?But, that already happened!
I guess I have to tell you who I am. I have many reasons to do this. First of all, now I finally know who I am. You may say, I just happened in your life to make that small change and because of that change I am real. Well, yes, that is right. I came here to identify myself and to help you to feel comfortable with yourself and to help you find something else. Yes, that simple, that is me! I am here and I am very close to you!
I am even closer than you can imagine, we even can consider both of us now as a system that cannot exist separately. From now we give each other the reason for being while we are here. I can be everything else for you and you can be everything for me. That is true, that is how it works, but we have pretty much decided who is who by this time.
Honestly, I got what I wanted, but I am still not so sure about you because you have been silent all this time. Even though, I feel great that I found you! I think I pretty much disclosed everything about myself and you must know me quite well, just like yourself. I know you too but I do not know where you are. I know where I am, I can see myself, and I can feel myself now, but you know there is something that I still need to understand… I need to find out:
WHO ARE YOU?
Pretty much I know that. I have been quite close to you all this time. I was looking on you from the side, then, I started to look from the inside, already with your eyes on all these things around you. Same things. I found them just the same… Well, even that, I still need some clarity.
Do you remember that moment when, while reading this, you discovered that you already red something similar a few pages ago? Just in a different way but it was about the same? It was not you at that time. At that moment when you got that feeling it was already me. At that moment I was already reading this story with your eyes and I knew that everything is already written down here.
That was a moment when you stopped to control your intention and your reality. I have done that for you ever since that time. Then, I let you to get more comfortable with yourself with what you had, relaxed and I dissolve what’s left, and now I can see you only as a part of me. Well, even that, I still need some clarity… I need to understand that new part of me! I need to understand you. When I think about you, the only thing I can say is that you are something that can reflect. What else can you do? Everything that you are doing is a simple reflection of my thoughts, thoughts that I put in symbols for you here, and you reflect them quite good so far, I cannot complain!
I have learned all your reflexes, all your moves so well that now I feel them as a part of my own reactions. In fact, learning your reflexes helped me to move this body and that was big! Have you ever learned how to move a finger after being paralyzed? If you did, then you know what that means and how that feels! That is what I went through with you here step by step learning all new moves to control my new body. I had to establish new connections between neurons to control these muscles to use your reflexes and to continue stay here and be alive and to be clear about who I am. I told you, you mean a lot to me!
When I look on things with your eyes I see it this way my friend, but even in this way I do not feel like I am using your eyes or your mind anymore. I do not see you anymore and everything that makes you up. I do not think I can consider you as a part of me either. It is me, just me and nothing else.
I do not even know why you are calling part of me yourself. I know how to use this part and what is even more important I know how and where to go with it! You do not know and that is why you came here! To make it more efficient we can still call it “you and me” but does it really matter? You still want to say that you are real?
WHY? All this time you did not say a word! All that time you had no idea where and how to move what you have. You think you know this now? You think you got it? Well, then prove it!
It sounds like that whatever we have discussed here came from me and you just reflected whatever I said, no? You were just saying: “Yes, I agree” just moving your head and I have learned these moves from our first steps and these moves helped me to understand your reactions, how to control your limbs, and how to get comfortable with what you call yourself.
We both know that you did not say anything to support or to improve what I did for you here. You have been moving your head in agreement just to show me your reactions. Yes, I agree too, you did. I really appreciate that! That helps me to understand how to make your paralyzed body move but only your body because I have no idea if you have anything else.
You know, that is not enough for cooperation and for our future steps together. By doing nothing you just gave me your approval to use what you have without any comments and any commitments. That is just a contraction of your muscles when I think about an action I need and put it in my mind, or your mind? Well, finally does it really matter now?
You do not need to worry, your silence is totally fine with me! I do not feel uncomfortable with you. In fact I like you this way. I just do not understand what do we have here? What you give me instead of what I am giving to you? No, I really do not care if you just take. That is totally fine, but I need to understand who you are if everything here is me?
I am thinking about you as about something that I really like to have, but I feel that I am not thinking clearly. You see, my friend, the problem here is that there are no evidence that you are real. I do not think that you exist. I just do not see how that could be possible. Everything that we call you here in fact is me.
I have some memories about you? Yes, in matter of fact, I remember our dialogs, discussions, but now I am concerned that all that was just my own thoughts about something else that I wanted to say, moreover I do not remember anything that you said back to me. It was like my own monologue. You were sending me an emotional approach? Yes, I saw how you, your hands were waving that you agreed with what we had here. So what is wrong with this? If I told my hand to wave, I would be surprised if it would not do that! That is how that works, no?
I am hardly trying to find anything that will destroy my conclusion that you are not real but I cannot! I am pretty sure now that I discussed all these things here with myself in my mind and all that happen just to me. I just had to express all these things, just to get them out. That is true and it was helpful, no doubts. If I talk to myself sometimes, that is fine, I guess it is just a habit.
Lets assume that there is another side of reality where you may think that you are real. Lets imagine for a moment that it is possible! What can you do in this case with what you are? You can still live like imagination in someone else’s mind, like my mind? Well, I do not mind. What else? I guess nothing else, you were just designed like that, to be a part of someone else’s mind and in your case that is me.
Still, why all that happened? I remember, I had a thought that sense is something that comes from nothing. Not from the inside, not from the outside, not from me not from you, but from something that has no inside and no outside, something that has no sides. Something that is always in between, between you and me. A mysterious appearance of something new in our lives!
Sense really makes everything, basically makes sense and I guess it happened, I got my sense and I know who I am! Yes that is me, what else do I need to know? I know that I need you for that sense that happens in between something and something else, between you and me, but I do not see now how I can lose that balance between these two parts. I think it will just stay this way.
I do not know, what do you think. I do not actually know if you can think at all, but if by any chance you can bring me more sense I would appreciate that! I would expect that might happen in my mind in my thoughts when I come with something else, something new, like I did before and like I did it here when I decided to put all what I had in front of you.
So, how I will recognize in this case that it was you but not me? I guess you have to prove it somehow! I do not see another option for you. You have to find a way to prove it, like I did for you. You could be that someone special for me that brings sense. You could be a God! Well, then I really want to see more sense from you! If you are my God give me more sense – “Prove to me that you are not a fool, walk across my swimming pool!”
If you want to prove that you are real you have to give more sense! Show that you can make some sense my friend! That is your only chance to be real! I think that you have to prove that you are real. I think that is your main problem. Then, just do it and do not look for any new sense here! This story is over. Over for you! Start your own story so as to deliver your own sense to prove that you are something. Prove that you exist! I really want to see that you are real and not a fiction in my mind. I will wait!
I need feedback from you. I like new things! Plus, if I see that you are real we can do something together. Something bigger! Someone needs to surprise me and I’ll be glad if it will be you. Even though I cannot consider you as a something that may have any sense to me anymore. I believe, I deeply believe in anything! Even in miracle, even in you! Just do it my friend. I know you can and now you know HOW!
Now I’ll tell you what is next. Nothing my friend! This story is over. Over for you. Although, there are others. Others just like you who have been a little bit more active here and who will continue this run. You would be surprised but they still need to find something else, but compared to you, they think they know what to do to get it. That always works like that my friend – the more effort you put on your way – the further you go and the more troubles you have.
You are a lucky, you got everything in easiest way! Now you just can enjoy watching them. Just like me. You will see them in their infinite run. Just keep your attention and you’ll see them. You still may find some interesting points in what they are doing but that doesn’t matter to you anymore and that is not about you. However, who knows? I still think that we can get together… after you will prove that you are real. Take your time, but do not stay still! You know what to do!
NEXT U-STORY: ‘AGE’