11. Three ωitches

1. Christ and Magda-300













day at the

sucking office.


6:30 pm

This is a bad day my friend. Thanks God it is Friday and it is done. I’m supposed to be in another place right now. I am always there at this time but I am here, still in my office, looking upon the random stuff on my table. It must be Fr, 13th trick. Shit …

Mixed feelings …, mixed and strange feelings. This day may represent a neat concept of proof on how a few generations are thronging inside my head at once all their “sharp” problems. Why? Just because I will sit here at this place and I will protect this place and whatever they will say, I will have to process it and maybe even finally accept it. Either way I have to go with it. Stupid bitches! Three stupid bitches: Teen, M.I.L.F, and Mature bitches, and all in one day!

They are separated in age by about 15 years, in between young, middle, and the old bitch. Today they all had a special question for me. Was that their specific aim? May be. Well, I am sure they are smarter than they look, but it is not about aim I think. You know what they said to me today?

The first bitch said: “I want, I really want, but I do not know how! Tell me, teach me HOW!”

The second bitch said: “I want to want like I did before, but I do not want anymore and I want to want again! You know what is going on! Tell me HOW to get want again!

… and then, finally,

The third bitch said: “I do not want to want anymore. Period! Done! I do not want to want anymore like I did all my life and like I still do! Do you have any idea HOW to stop it!

Stupid bitches! I am still here because of them. You want to know more about them? Well, you know how it works between people especially between those who have to protect their own place, which in turn protects other people. Yes, that is how it works my friend. I have to protect my place in this system to protect them and actually you as well.

So anyway, lets me recount the way this day began.


6:30 am

First Bitch (Teen)

That bitch was good. She knew what to do, how to do, and even what to say. She has a style and a good rhythm, but shit… Why would she start to talk about what she wants as soon as she found out where I sit every day? She would never think that it is a right move unless she met someone who has affiliation to the brand name she knows. Never! As soon as she found where my office is, she said: “I want, I really want, but I do not know how! Tell me, teach me HOW!”

I do not know what I can teach her! She is already good! She knows everything! What else I can teach her? She just has to use what she has. Well, I do not have what she has and, if I would, I would not know what would be in that case. Probably I would also start to ask someone to teach me how!

That was at morning. When I got here I started putting my things around a table, getting ready for my meeting at noon. The meeting was OK. Same bitches as always but none one asked me to tell them HOW, thanks God! They all knew what to do. They have been well trained so far.

You know my friend, bitches in my opinion are not just female animals or malicious women. I consider a bitch anyone with whom I can express displeasure, my grumble, anyone who deserves it. Yes, you got it right, pretty much anyone.


1:30 pm

Second Bitch (M.I.L.F.)

She called me right after the lunch just like she did before, a along time ago. Just at the right time when I already had finished my lunch-meetings but before I started to focus on other things. She always called me at that time because she knew that at this time she would not disturb anyone else but only me, so she would achieve the right effect. She is the one who can touch me this way and she still does. That is her power over me and she is using it, as if I could, as we all are would!

I still do not know who touched whom stronger. She definitely did it to me. Why else would I think otherwise about what had happened such a long time ago? I guess I touched her too. Why would she call me after all these years with the question:

– “I want to want what like before, you remember? I do not want anymore but I want that want! You know what is going on. I want to want again! Tell me HOW!”

Well, it wasn’t her first question over our almost hour-long conversation but in concise summary it was exactly what she asked. Stupid bitch! She knew perfectly what was going on. She just didn’t want to stay still. She moves things and people around her and she can’t stop. Now she doesn’t even know why she does this. Just an old habit I guess.

She said that she wants to come back on the West coast because … well whatever it is, it’s a bullshit anyway. She just wanted to touch the surface to test what is going on here in our cool western water. Nothing new my dear, just the same! Just the same!

I do not want to think about her anymore. I know what she wants to say, and that is why she called me today. Yes, you’re right, bitch knows perfectly how that works. “I want to want!” Wonderful! What else could she say that would not muddle things that I had tried to put straight in my life during the few years since she left? Well, so you want to come back? Try it hard!


4:30 pm

Third Bitch (Mature)

I have known him for a long time. He is old enough to be my father. It is probably our age difference that precluded us from never becoming good friends. Still, I consider him as a “one of my teachers” since the time when he was my mentor and I had just started to explore this new for me field. He was very sensual even at that time, and after all these years he got more teardrops in his eyes for reasons sound and not. Years I guess, time flies!

He came when I was about to leave my office. I always know what he is going to say. It always begins with an emotional approach. He usually try to tell how something was affecting him baldly. Then, after that we could talk in details about what we could actually do about it, so he could feel good again. He would always try to convince me that I would have to appeal to his feelings, the feelings of an old man. Well, that is why I am here. I would always do it the way he likes. In fact, he has no sense and no reason for this system since he is no one. Except for one little thing, he grew up among other old bitches who built this system up. What can I do against this? I listen every time he came to my office. Sorry, I can’t tell you his real name, lets call him Yo-Yo.

This time he was grey. He is not so old to be concerned about his health, but at that time I saw him deeply discouraged. His look displayed to me that it will take a long time for him to get to his point. I started to make fresh coffee to give him enough freedom to start.

First, what he asked for was a response to the questions posed by the reviewers on our manuscript, a new “highly potential” publication according to our boss. Then, he moved to another manuscript and to the problems with authors list. Personal? Next, he said that our fellow, an active young looking Italian woman, lets call her Pi-Pi, had just asked him if he would be OK including another co-worker, a new Spanish fellow, lets call him Go-Go, as a co-author. This manuscript was primarily her work, so she was within her right to ask this, but the request sounded very personal.

“So, what’s the problem?” – I asked. “Do we need to include him?”

He looked shocked and he shot back to me:

“He had done nothing for that manuscript it was basically my work and my ideas. Even I had shared them with Pi-Pi, I did that because she needed to be a project leader. This little title would aid her future goals and she had actually done a lot of work on that project. Go-Go just came here a few months ago and he had done nothing so far!”

Well, it’s definitely personal.

“So what? What you want to do? BTW, please sit and have this coffee, its not sweet, just the way you like.”

He shared with me his sad smile, put himself in the chair, and said:

“I have been working on that project for almost six months. You know all troubles we went through doing that stuff. Honestly, I said to myself several times that I would never do again anything like that. The only reason why I kept doing the work is that Pi-Pi took all responsibility in the managing of pretty much all the troubles that I didn’t want to have deal with. She was great! She managed to organize all these things very smoothly, you know that. We worked together all that time and came with a good draft. I actually completely rewrote this manuscript after she gave me her first version but, still, it is really good work that we both done”

“What?” – I asked him when he pause mid speech distracted by a the moth on a wall.

“Nothing…, nothing.” – he shook his head a few times. “You know, I do not think it’s right. All what we went through. You probably know that they are working together on a new project now? I mean Pi-Pi and Go-Go”.

“Yap, I know. It belongs to our new collaborator and our boss Re-Re wants them to do all the work for now until we will get more money from our investors.”

“What I want to say, they seem to be very close. You probably noticed that. No?”

“That sometimes happens when people work together. It doesn’t necessary end well but that happens.”

“He has family and kids!”

“Go-Go is a Spanish guy. Well, family Spanish guy, but why does that bother you anyway?”

“We have been working together with Pi-Pi for quite a long time. I thought we were on the same wavelength and now after all that time, and all we have been going through, all this stuff that we did for Re-Re, suddenly we appeared to be in a “frozen room” of ignorance.”

Stupid bitch! No, I didn’t say that to him, I just wanted badly to leave my office at that time. Stupid old bitch! Yes, Go-Go is fucking your Pi-Pi for the last three months, at least three times a week just after she finished her work with you, leaving you your nice warm feelings so that you will help her to complete what she has to do for our boss, who is in his turn looking at what three of you will do with all that you have on your plate: Pi-Pi, Go-Go, and you old retarded bitch. Still, you do not know one thing! Well, at least one. You do not know what Go-Go’s wife looks like. She looks like the sun will never shine in their house even instead of Go-Go gorilla would live there, but, you right they have kids. They have been able to make it through. I honestly think that Go-Go is quite an unique guy, and another thing you may not know. You do not know how much Go-Go had to sacrifice to convinced Pi-Pi to spread her legs and how much time he spent after that to make her feel really good about her choice! You old sucker would not be able to do even 1% of what he did to please her.

The only thing I said was:

“Do you think something is going wrong?”

He replied:

“I think that they are working much closer together than the project requirements need them too. You know what I mean?”

“I see your feelings, but I do not know if what you suspect makes any sense regarding the work we are doing here.”

“OK “Sweaty hands”, then I have to tell you something else!”

“Sweaty or slickly (depends on his mood) hands” is a stupid idiom that Yo-Yo is using to make me angry. He knows I hate it! He continued:

“I had a meeting with Re-Re. Very informal meeting at his house. We had a nice evening with a few drinks last night…”

Well, you left with our boss yesterday just before Pi-Pi was picking up Go-Go from the plaza. Spanish guy still has no car and Pi-Pi is driving him from the office to her place and then, when they are done, she drops him at his apartment to his family. Anyway, keep going, I am listening. He continued:

“I was not able to control my emotions well about what is going on in our group and I think I was a little bit strong about my comments regarding Pi-Pi and Go-Go”

I do not think they cared about your comments at that moment but that is fine, keep going…

“Re-Re said that the great things happened but the great things is not a miracle! Strange point, no? No, actually first he asked me “Who are we without a drive to live?” What could I say to that? We are who we are! Then, he said “Drive makes things run and especially such complex things like we do here”. Great! I wanted to ask him at that time what about my drive then, but just at that moment he continued: “You are very close to my age and we cannot allow emotions to lead us to new problems. Young guys do what they have to do and the only power we have is that we know what they do because we did it too.”

Old bastards! You have been drinking whisky yesterday night talking about how to get wise and to get over your emotions you have toward the woman while another “family guy” is fucking her and she wants to do everything to convince you old suckers to put his name in a front of the work he had nothing to do with, just to support his ego and his erection! I would add that this is happening primary because Go-Go is not staying with her for the whole night as her previous boyfriends had done, for obvious reasons, and that makes Pi-Pi desperate to get that man closer under her control. Bitches! You are all touching each other with your feelings in this excellent food chain! What is next? Keep going… Well, I just finished my second cup while he continued:

“I think I understand Re-Re but it is still so hard to accept. It is such a pain! I do not know what to do. I do not want to want anymore. Period! Done! I do not want to want, if you know what I mean. Do you have any idea what is going on, can you tell me HOW to stop it?”

Old bastard! I am still here because of you, thinking about what you said. I do not even remember what I told you to make you feel good and to not be angry at Pi-Pi and to keep your good relationship with Go-Go and feel like a happy puppy when you once again will see your boss Re-Re. I do not remember already how I was able to suppress my anger toward Re-Re, who is always using you old bastard to maintain his ego and getting up in your face with great excitement all new facts to make you blush, knowing that you will remain calm with him and will express your feeling to me that will make me blush too, but I will remain calm as well while I am here. That doesn’t matter, really! What is matter? I do not know, but I feel totally helpless in the face of this bullshit day in this sucking office with this fucking wonderful team of my lovely desperate melancholy bitches that I have tension with but I have no idea what to call it.

What is the correct name for that very special feeling?

Do you know my friend?